Lesson 5--"O" is for Opportunity for Thinking

Thinking words are a way of saying “no” by saying “yes” to something else.

 

Thinking words allow us to set limits on our children’s behavior without telling them what to do.

The difference between thinking words and fighting words may be subtle, but the child’s reaction is usually different. For example: “No, you can’t watch television until your chores are done.” Vs. “Yes, you may watch television as soon as your chores are done.”

I say what I mean, mean what I say and do what I say I’ll do.

How often do you hear parents making idle threats, or giving multiple warnings. Each of these gradually destroys the parent’s credibility. Don’t allow yourself to fall into this trap.

Often, as parents, we say things to our children which would be difficult, if not impossible, to enforce. An example is, “Don’t shout at me!” Most statements like this can be reworded, thus “raising the odds” in favor of better reactions from our children. For example, to take the “fight” out of our statement, say, “I’ll listen, when your voice is soft like mine.”

Check out this article on enforceable statements: http://www.loveandlogic.com/documents/using-enforceable-statements.pdf

Responses structured with thinking words, result in statements that the parent can enforce. Responses structured with fighting words, result in statements that are unenforceable.

Strategic Training Sessions

One of the most powerful techniques used by Love and Logic parents is the “Strategic Training Session.” When parents execute their “Strategic Training Session” to perfection, kids are usually shocked to the point of wondering just what the parent might pull the next time. As a result, there is a power shift from the child to the parent.

Thoughts about Strategic Training Sessions

 

Parents who raise responsible children do it through their actions, not their words.

Love and Logic parents understand that responsibility cannot be taught, it must be caught.

When planning a strategic training session:

• Find someone who will help.
• Schedule the session on a day when you have both the energy and your support team available.
• Play it cool; take good care of yourself; show no anger.
• Schedule an additional practice session within a short time.